Praise Through The Pain

"When I thought I lost me

You knew where I left me

You reintroduced me to Your love

And You picked up all my pieces

Put me back together

You are the defender of my heart"

-Defender/UpperRoom

When I worship my heart is fully surrendered and I feel free. Naturally, it's hard for me to let my guard down, but when I fully surrender to God; my surroundings no longer matter to me. I don't care who who's looking or what people think of me. The pursuit of pleasing others is no longer present, and I can be my true self. The self that is broken, bruised, and sometimes completely overwhelmed.

Worship is a place where vulnerability is truly present inside of me. I fully open up to the Lord and completely let my guard down. When my heart is overwhelmed and I feel like I having nothing left to give; I worship.

This past couple of years has been really difficult. I know all of us had no clue what was going to happen this year. We were all hit with a huge wave, and there was no stopping it. As a pastor and christian often times people expect me to have it all together. I personally feel like I'm not supposed to be the one struggling when others are struggling. Naturally I just want to go and help everyone. My personality is a type 9; where are my enegram lovers at?! Haha.. I am a listener and I want to help. But that doesn't mean I'm not human. I face my own fears and struggles. God has been reminding me that my pain is as important as any other person. I shouldn't hide from it, I need to face it.

November 4th marks one year of my brother being gone. On November 4th I watched brother take his last breath. I decided I was going to go into 2020 strong! Not only for myself, but for my brother. Last December, a month after my brother passed, I found out I was pregnant after over a year of trying to have our second child. We also lost a baby in the process. During the time I was broken and thought something was wrong with me. My brother was always there for me and encouraged me I would have another kid. He was the best uncle to our first child; so the fact I became pregnant a month after his passing I knew that was a sign from God. Especially when I found out I was having a little boy; which we named Caleb after my brother.

The reason I tilted this PRAISE THROUGH THE PAIN is because we all have walked through our own storm. Only you know exactly the kind of pain you have felt in the middle of whatever you have faced throughout the years. Don't discredit what you have walked through, but also don't stop fighting and moving forward. Don't let the pain of life hold you back from the calling God has on your life. God is always fighting your battles, but you need to right there with him on the front of the line. Don't stand in the back and let him fight it for you. I was at a point in life where I WASN'T fighting for myself. But God reminded me daily not to give up! One of those ways I fight my battles is through worship. Worship is so powerful! So why do we only worship him when we are happy? We need to worship him through every season of life.

Never stop praising him even when you don't understand, praise him! Just because you are a christian doesn't mean life will be perfect. Never Give Up! I promise God will never give up on you, so don't give up on yourself no matter the circumstances of life.

" When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:2