I Am Healed

I can’t start this blog post without thanking the three beautiful, mighty women of God who invited me to guest write. Kaylee, Syd & Kaylin - thank you for listening to the promptings of Holy Spirit and starting this blog. It has, is and will continue to birth freedom to the eyes that read these posts each week. 🤍

Well, hi! My name is Jenn. I don’t know about you, but I like knowing a little more about the person who’s words I’m reading. So, a little about me: I’m 26. I was born and raised in Oklahoma. I’m half Korean. I have no shy bone in my body and love to be around people! Oh & I’m an auntie to the best and cutest little girl in the whole entire world. I’m not biased, she really is the cutest. 😉

Growing up, I was a ball of energy! Always filled with joy and laughter. Moving 90 to nothing at all times (not much has changed in that regard LOL). But when I was 9 years old, I got really sick. This ball of energy could barely get out of bed. I was noticeably losing weight, tired all the time & looked like a skeleton. After a week or so of this drastic change, my parents were concerned and to the emergency room we went. I heard five words no child can comprehend - “you have type 1 diabetes.” My world as I knew it forever changed in that one moment.

I never knew a disease I have hated so much would be something I am now so thankful for all these years later. But, it sure didn’t start that way. I’ve walked through all stages of grief a million times over; denial, anger, depression, bargaining & acceptance.

I became a very angry child. I constantly compared myself to the other kids. I went to the hospital as a kid and returned home with a weight of new responsibilities. My mom removed all of my favorite snacks and replaced it with homemade drinks & “remedies”. Oh man, I will never forget the taste of a specific concoction she made me drink every morning. It felt like everything I knew was stripped away. I developed many unhealthy eating habits in those years, but that’s another story for another day. Through the years, I would see many doctors & have a few more ICU visits. I was no longer a happy-go-lucky, care-free kid, but a sad & defeated girl who had to count carbohydrates and learn how to use a vial and syringe.

I remember going to church, pleading & praying to God. “Please heal me. Please please please. I’ll do anything you want me to!” I thought I did something wrong, I thought He was mad at me & this was my punishment. As time went on & years went by, I quit asking. I stopped talking to God altogether. I saw & heard stories of other people healed of diseases and started to believe the lie that He didn’t love me enough to heal me.

Into my teen years & early adulthood, I turned away from God. At 23 years old, I gave my life back to Christ and for the first time began a true relationship with him. I began praying for healing again. You know, when you’re in the church service or some big conference & someone asks “who needs healing?”, a flood of hands go up and you think “this. is. it.” You see the miracles happening all around you, but even still, that doubt creeps up. I would leave those services with my head down feeling defeated. Telling myself I didn’t have enough faith & that’s why I wasn’t healed. Friend, PLEASE do not buy into that lie.

At 24, I embarked on a journey with my best friend. One I will forever be grateful for. We began to study and research the different vitamins, minerals & benefits of different foods. I became more physically active. My doctors had to significantly decrease my medications & asked me what I was doing! I feel better, have more energy & have more control over this autoimmune disease.

This story doesn’t end with me telling you I no longer have type 1 diabetes. Through every stage, I can look back and say I learned something new about myself. And more importantly, I learned something new about Jesus. It pushed me to seeking him even more. It drew me in closer to him. I have been blessed to help others who have the same autoimmune disease. To be able to talk to someone who has many questions and doesn’t know where to begin. To feel that someone else can relate with them and understand them at a level others can not. To not feel so alone. God has brought me healing - through helping others.

My pastor once said “our deepest pain reveals our greatest purpose.” We may not have all the answers to why we go through what we go through. And I’m not here to tell you “bad things happen for a reason” - as that can be wounding. *Please hear me say that - or read me write that. What I am saying, maybe the answers to our questions are right in front of us, but sometimes we’re too busy looking for the answer we want.

I want to encourage you that is is OKAY to have questions. It’s okay to cry, be upset or feel pain. Many people say the book of Job is so depressing. But I love it because something I admire is that Job was never too scared to cry out to God with his questions.

“For the thing which I greatly fear comes upon me, And that of which I am afraid has come upon me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet, And I am not at rest, and yet trouble still comes [upon me].”” Job‬ ‭3:25-26‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Everything was taken from him. He was a righteous man. God even attested for his character.

“Then the Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.”” Job‬ ‭1:8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

When I read the book of Job, I definitely see him going through different stages of grief. I remember always asking God why I was diagnosed with this autoimmune disease. What did I do? Was I not good enough? Did I make him angry? In the book of Job, God NEVER answers that dying question we all have - “why do bad things happen to good people?” Not. Once.

I don’t have the “perfect” answer or formula to medical healing. What I want to share with you today is the healing that happened in my heart. We live in a fallen and imperfect world. There is sin, disease, turmoil, etc. Ultimately revealing our NEED for Jesus. The keeper of peace.

Friend, I want to encourage you to not be afraid to go to God with your questions, doubts, fears, etc. We may not get the exact answer we’re looking for, but he is listening. He is not punishing you. He loves you. He gives rest to the weary and is near to the broken hearted. He is strong where we are weak.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation].” Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭AMP‬‬

⭐️For more of Jenn⭐️ YouTube: belightjenn https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZGv9MQclbvhyTkfqphwzbg

Instagram: @belightjenn