16 Things I’ve Learned in 16 Years

Earlier this week, I finally turned 16. I thought it would be this pivotal moment, straight out of the movies, where everything in life would suddenly make sense, but that was far from the truth. As I was looking back at the year behind me, I wanted to find key lessons that I could take with me in the year to come. That's when this post was created. I had learned so much in the last year that completely changed my life. And now I get to share it with you! So get comfy and grab a snack, because this one may be a little lengthy.

1. Don’t waste your time on someone just because they give you attention. I have a love/hate relationship with attention. I love when certain people give me their attention, but I hate having a room full of eyes on me at once. Over the last year, I had sought people who would give me all of their attention. But nine times out of ten, attention wasn’t what I needed. I put myself into so many toxic relationships that were very hard to get out of, solely because they were filling a hole in my heart. When I realized this, I made the decision to let God fill that hole. When it comes down to it, God has His eyes on you, He gives you attention when no one else will. His heart is set on you.

2. Dreams will stay dreams until you do something about it. This was a big one. Those who know me know that I am a dreamer. I want to have a story worth telling- a crazy, spontaneous life of no regrets. But I rarely act on my dreams. So this last year I told myself that I would go after my dreams no matter what it took. And let me just tell you, it was not easy. A lot of the dreams I'm pursuing now- including this blog- took a lot of hard work, commitment, and sacrifice. But every single dream I have gone after or am still going after has paid off. Chasing your dreams is so beyond worth it!

3. Love stories take time to write. Last summer, I had the privilege of watching one of my role models and basically big sister, Chloe, open a new chapter in her love story: marriage. As the pastor was describing everything these two had gone through to get to this day, I realized just how much time it had taken to write this beautiful love story. They had gone from their first kiss as teenagers to now promising their lives to each other. But it took time. They couldn’t just decide at 15 that they were going to stay together forever. They went through struggles and triumphs, highs and lows, and still came out together. They worked to write the amazing love story they're living now.

4. Making happiness a priority is not selfish. This is one I'm still learning. I think that I am an overall positive person, but there have been multiple times the last few months where I felt bad for being happy. Some of my friends had been going through some things and my mind had made me feel almost guilty for not struggling with them at that moment. Strange right? But ultimately I had to make the decision to stay happy, despite the situations going on around me. Someone once asked me, "If everyone around you is trapped in their own darkness, how will covering your light help them?" The truth of it is, it won't. But you can be a beacon of hope and light that may just help the people around you overcome their situations.

5. When the time is right, it will happen. I am a very futuristic person. I have a very specific plan with every last detail written out. Honestly, it's always been this way. I know what I want, when I want it, and how I want it. But throughout the last year, God has been constantly reminding me that everything happens in His time. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that "You may make your plans, but God directs your actions." This has been a key verse for me as I've been walking out letting go of control of my future.

6. Pray now for what you want for your future. A few years ago, I started writing letters to my future husband (cheesy, I know) and it was probably the best decision I have ever made. Every time I pray for him, I write it down so that one day I can look back and see all of my fulfilled prayers. As I was talking to someone I serve at church with, she had told me that she wished now that she had written her prayers down as a teenager. She described to me just how many prayers that she had from her youth that were just now coming to pass. It was such a deep and powerful conversation that really inspired me to pray about my future. Just think, Abraham and Sarah were diligent in praying for a child for years, despite how long it took for their prayers to come to pass.

7. If you’re afraid to do something, close your eyes and do it scared. I am terrified of water slides. I don't know why, but I have been since I was a kid. Growing up, I had made a lot of excuses so that I wouldn't have to go down any water slides with my friends. Lame, I know. Well in October, I took a trip to an indoor water park with my family. I had convinced myself that I would stay in the lazy river or hot tub the entire time, but my cousins had a different plan. After dragging me up multiple flights of stairs, I tried to chicken out, but the lifeguard said the only way to get to the ground again was to suck it up and go down the slide. I was literally terrified. So I got on the raft, closed my eyes, and held on tight. I have never had so much fun in my life. I just had to get out of my comfort zone to get there.

8. Real friends stick by you no matter what. Last year, I switched schools. This was a really hard decision for me because I had basically grown up there, with the same group of friends, same teachers, an environment that I had become very comfortable in. My friends at the time were not at all excited about this new season in my life and made it very clear. About one month after leaving, terrible rumors had gotten back to me, all being made by the people who were closest to me. I will say I have less than five people from that school that I can still call my friends. It was devastating but very eye-opening. This season taught me exactly who my real friends were, and who was just acting like it.

9. You’re not worthless because someone doesn’t love you back. If there was one piece of advice I could’ve given myself in the last year, it would’ve been this. As a normal teenage girl, I had developed a crush. We had been friends before I developed these feelings but it, to me, had always seemed like there was something else there. Despite his best efforts to let me down gently, I still ended up feeling worthless. That's when my friend gave me this advice. She would remind me daily that I was worth the world and someday someone would see that. That no matter how worthless I felt then, God always saw me as worthy. So for you out there that feels worthless, you are loved, worthy, and beautiful. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

10. You are living your ancestor’s wildest dreams. Make them proud. This is something I'm constantly reminded of. A long time ago, nothing that I'm doing now could've been possible. Worshipping freely, communicating through technology, and speaking my mind would not have been an option for many of my ancestors. I have to tell myself just how lucky I am to be living in a world full of so many opportunities that I am able to go after. My parents and grandparents remind me to not take advantage of the resources I have been given because it was once only a dream for them. I'd like to remind you that we are so beyond blessed with all of the things that have been provided for us, whether it be technology, medicines, or opportunities that may not have been possible just a few decades ago.

11. Strength comes from struggles. One of the strongest women I know recently went through multiple devastating situations (hopefully y’all will get to hear her story soon!). Honestly, I can’t even fathom what she had been going through. Yet every time I saw her she had a smile on her face. Through all of the terrible things she was going through, she kept faith that God was still working everything for good. She made the decision to overcome her pain rather than be overcome by pain, leading her to come out stronger than every struggle she faced.

12. Take time to enjoy your everyday life. A good majority of the time, my schedule is full. My average day is filled to the brim with school, work, and blogging. I'm constantly doing something, even if that something isn't as productive as I think. In August, my grandmother noticed this and challenged me to stop and just enjoy life. Best. Advice. Ever. I went from a busy mindset to looking at everything I do as a chance to savor life. After all, I am only 16. Might as well enjoy this time while I still have it right?

13. Don’t feel bad about going after what you want. You don’t need to ask permission to follow your dreams. I feel like this one should be a given, but for many of us, it's not. As I had said before, last year was my year of dreaming. But starting out, it was really hard for me to chase after what I wanted. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, like every decision I was making needed to be approved by everyone around me. It was a beyond stressful feeling that held me back for months. It was like I was a prisoner to all of the opinions around me. Does this sound familiar? I learned that it wasn't until I let go of seeking the approval of others that I could finally pursue what I was wanting to. I didn't' have to ask for other's permission because it was my dream, not theirs.

14. No is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify every decision you make or ask for others' approval. This is something I'm still having to work towards every single day. I am a people pleaser, and I don't like to tell people no, which leads me to overcommit to multiple things all at once. At one point, this became so extreme that I barely had time to do anything except work. I was stressed out, overwhelmed, and tired, but I just could not bring myself to turn down anything that came my way. Finally, I had to make the decision to just unapologetically say no. At first, I tried to make excuses and find reasons for not participating in something, but that became more tiring than overcommitting. I started just saying no and it felt so freeing. I didn't have to justify or defend it, I simply just said "no".

15. Doors close for a reason. Don’t try to reopen what God already removed. A lot of doors have closed in my life in the past year. It is probably the hardest thing I went through. Friendships, relationships, opportunities, all blocked off. Even though I couldn’t see it yet, God has a perfect plan and will close as many doors as needed to get you on that path. Throughout all of this, I have learned that banging on closed doors will not open them, it will just make your hands hurt. Closed doors have taught me how to walk away. After all, God has so much more planned for us than staring at closed doors.

16. Self-confidence is beautiful. I will say it again, self-confidence is beautiful. My mentor, Maddie, taught me this one and I don't even think she knows it. She is a pageant queen with a heart to serve (like, goals), but that's not what makes her beautiful. Whether she's wearing a formal dress or sweat pants, she holds herself like she knows her worth. She radiates self-confidence. And as I've gotten to spend time more and more time with her, I've just longed for that same characteristic. There's something so amazing that happens when you have confidence in yourself. "When you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't." - Unknown

Thank you all so much for reading this post today. I hope, like me, you can learn something from this that will ultimately benefit you moving forward. I also want to thank all of the people that helped me walk through all of these lessons and have poured into me over the last year. I am truly thankful for all of you and for everything you've taught me. As always, love you guys so much and I'll talk to you soon.